I Will Await Your Waking at The Making of The World
by sarenelsoria
Summary: Bilbo goes to Mahal's halls and leads Thorin to his afterlife. At the expense of never being able to return from the halls. Depiction of dwarven afterlife and Thorin's regrets.


When Bilbo had come to the Halls of Mandos with the elves that had sailed across the sea, he first went to the dwarven halls. He had been shocked to find hundreds of thousands of dwarves, who were all asleep, save Mahal who stood with his back to the hobbit, working his forge.

"Ha-Hello?" Bilbo asked timidly, yawed to be in the presence of the valar.

"Welcome to my halls, young adopted child of my lady wife Yavannah." Mahal said and dunked his sword into the cooling trough. "You are welcome to stay as long as you like, I would not keep someone from the person that they love and I know how much Thorin Oakenshield loves you, you are always in his dreams." Mahal said and Bilbo stared wide-eyed at the Valar. He had somehow become young again, once he reached the halls of Mandos and he didn't realize how adorable his expression was to the Valar. The hobbit looked a lot like Mahal's lady wife and despite that the two would not meet one another as Mahal liked, he loved his wife dearly.

"Thank you." Bilbo said and Mahal nodded, allowing the hobbit to walk among his sleeping children, until the hobbit stopped in his tracks and started to cry.

"He is fine, he simply sleeps until the world is remade, most dream of their past actions, what they change have they the chance. Once the scars on their souls heal, they dream of my halls and I join them there at table, almost every night."

"What causes a soul to scar?" Bilbo asked.

"Things that happened to them, things they let happen and things that they made happen that they regret. I shall leave you now, to be with your One. I am sorry but I cannot grant you entrance to my halls. I cannot allow you to sleep as my children do. The wait will be long,are you certain that you wish to spend your afterlife here? waiting for a time thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of years from now when my children wake from their long sleep?

"The Green Mother's lands are beautiful and make my soul feel light, but not so much as gazing upon the faces of my friends. Would stay here if you would have me."

"you are a child of free growing things not one of stone or rock, you will not like it here."

"Perhaps I won't but I love my friends, they are as family to me and would help them get to your halls if I can."

"Its not up to me when my children go to my halls I would save them this, if it was. Still if you wish to stay I will not stop you." Mahal said and Bilbo nodded.

Thank you." Bilbo said and smiled as an armchair appeared next to Thorin. Bilbo gently took the dwarf's hand and started his vigil.

The first hundred or so years were the hardest, slowly most of his friends moved from tossing and turning, as well as crying out in their sleep to easy rest. Mahal assured Bilbo that his friends were now in his halls all save Thorin. Thorin who constantly muttered Bilbo's name or the names of his nephews in his sleep, who fought battles against his foes and continually suffered nightmares. Bilbo tried to assure him, tried to help him as best he could, but nothing worked, not even Mahal comforting Thorin in Khudzul when Bilbo pleaded with the Valar just to give Thorin some release from the torment.

Bilbo had no choice but to watch over his friend, as Thorin continued to be tormented. After five hundred years, Bilbo spoke with Mahal. "Whatever he's done he doesn't deserve this."

"I agree with you, but his punishment or absolution is his own affair." Mahal said and Bilbo frowned.

"Could you then let me just share his dreams, just once, he torments himself and its torture for me to simply watch."

"If I sent you into his dreams, I am not certain I could bring you out again, even when the world was remade."

"That's alright, I am alright with forever sleeping, if he can find some relief." Bilbo said and Mahal nodded.

"Why do you ask this boon now?"

"Because it's clear now that he never will forgive himself for what happened."

"I have told him many times that no one he loved finds fault with his actions that they wish for him to join them in the halls but he does not believe me." Mahal said and Bilbo frowned. "Are you certain about this?"

"Absolutely." Bilbo said and Mahal nodded, he laid a hand upon the hobbit's forehead and started to chant in Khudzul, Bilbo's eyes became heavy as the chant continued, until they closed of their own accord.

When next Bilbo opened them he was on a battlefield, a young Thorin was brandishing an oak shield, as he fought against a legion of orcs. "Thorin!" Bilbo cried out to him, running across the battlefield, but as soon as he had reached Thorin the dream changed. He stared at Thorin as he held Bilbo over the battlements and released his hand, laughing as Bilbo's body toppled to the ground and met it with a sickening crunch. Almost at once Thorin's eyes cleared and he stared down at the body with horror.

"Bilbo no! _Beloved I never meant to harm you, come back to me, please come back!"_ He sank to his knees and Bilbo stepped forward putting his arms around Thorin.

"Thorin it's alright, this never happened I lived to be an old hobbit, but you never harmed me truly." Bilbo said and held Thorin as he cried.

"It can't be, my mind is again playing tricks on me, for the suffering I deserve. I killed my nephews and betrayed my One."

"You didn't betray me Thorin I betrayed you and Fili and Kili died in battle, not by your hand."

"They died protecting me! My little _sister sons._ " Thorin wailed and hit his head. "Its all my fault, its all my fault, its all my fault."

"Hush, far over the misty mountains cold, to dungeons deep and caverns old, we must away the break of day, to find our long forgotten gold." Bilbo sang to Thorin rocking him in his arms, until the dwarf was almost settled, before the dream changed again. This time they were in the treasury and Bilbo watched as Thorin lost himself to the gold once more. Bilbo walked up to him and put his arms around him. "Fight it Thorin, this isn't you, you aren't one to succumb to this madness. You are my _heart,_ you are stronger than you believe yourself to be, stop driving yourself mad with your regrets." Bilbo commanded Thorin and Thorin whirled around staring at Bilbo, who smiled at him, before embracing him. "I never blamed you my _One, my beloved._ None of it was your fault."

"Bilbo, how? This is my punishment for failing you and my people."

"That is how you see this? Mahal described it differently, you are here to forgive yourself so that you may go to the feasting halls."

"How can I forgive myself after what I have done?"

"You have done nothing Thorin, none of it was your fault. Those that died in battles were fighting in battles, there were going to be dwarves that died. When I took the Arkenstone you were mad with gold sickness, but you didn't truly harm me. The dragon was not your fault, the wars you were forced to join were not your fault. Your reaction to my betrayal was not your fault. You were a great King Thorin, songs are still sung of you and your nephews throughout all seven of the dwarven kingdoms and at Mahal's halls. Your people love you, I love you, please forgive yourself."

"I can't. Bilbo I can't." Thorin said and burst into tears, Bilbo held him and in a moment they were at his smail. Bilbo fixed Thorin a cup of tea and biscuits.

"Focus on me Thorin, not on your memories or your regrets, just on me and we'll have a nice cuppa and then we can rest for a bit."

"I don't deserve to rest not when..."

"You do deserve to rest and to be happy Thorin, you need to stop making yourself miserable." Bilbo said gently as he sipped his tea and Thorin reluctantly did the same. "I also have some drink." Bilbo said and Thorin frowned.

"I don't..."

"If you say you don't deserve something one more time, Thorin Oakenshield, I'll be forced to take drastic measures. You do deserve it and so much more, so take the bit of peace I'm offering, take me, accept me!" Bilbo said and Thorin stared at him, as Bilbo filled a tankard. "Accept what I'm offering, I might be stuck here forever you know, that was my choice, but I refuse to be stuck in your nightmares." Bilbo said and put his hands on his hips. "Now you are going to drink that ale and then we are going to go to bed." Bilbo said and Thorin downed the ale and another mug and another, before Bilbo added a bit of sleeping herbs to his next glass and Thorin's eyes began to droop. Bilbo felt slightly guilty over drugging Thorin, but the dwarf would go mad before he forgave himself at the rate Thorin was going. Bilbo led him to the bed and Thorin threw himself on it falling into sleep almost at once. Bilbo smiled tenderly before getting into bed beside Thorin and holding him in his arms. "There now that wasn't so hard was it?"

"Why is he beyond my reach?" Mahal demanded. "How is this possible?" He asked again and Bilbo stared at Mahal a moment.

"I gave him an herb that allows for deep and dreamless sleep, he should wake within half a day or so, considering the amount of ale he drank."

"He needs to forgive himself and he needs to be awake within his stone sleep to do so."

"And he will be, but his regrets are making him mad and he's not forgiving himself." Bilbo told Mahal. "Let him rest for a little while and I'll continue to try to make him see reason."

"Very well, but he cannot spend his afterlife in oblivion."

"He won't, he wasn't himself when I came here, I'll try to help him to your halls, I promise." Bilbo said and Mahal nodded, before disappearing.

Bilbo's days took on a pattern of visiting times in Thorin's life he regretted. Slowly the battles faded to other things entirely. "I need his help on the hunting party Dis, we'll watch one another's backs I promise."

"He's going to be a father in a few days Thorin, I want him here with Fili and me for when the baby comes."

"He needs to get out as much as I need to go get us food, we don't have any meat left and we haven't had any vegetables for weeks." Thorin said. "Fili is a growing boy, he needs food or else he will sicken."

"Take someone else hunting with you then, just don't go together, don't have the two people I love most go hunting when a wild boar has been spotted in these woods."

"We'll be fine Dis, the boar won't come near us." Thorin promised and the dream faded to where a young dwarf lay on the ground, his entrails spilled out across it, not far away a dead boar had a spear through its eyes.

"I got it." Vili coughed as blood came out his mouth. "That boar won't kill another dwarf, your safe and so are my wife and children."

"I'll take care of them, I promise you Vili, and I'll raise your boys as if they were my own."

"I know you'll do right by them." Vili said and his eyes flickered closed. "I'll rest now I think." Thorin's eyes filled with tears, as he began the prayer to help Vili across into Mahal's Halls.

Bilbo didn't want to interrupt but he walked up to Thorin and put his arms around the dwarf as he finished. "It was my fault, his death was my fault, if I had been quicker, if I had heard sooner, if I had thought to notch an arrow or not to have come at all..."

"You may have saved him, but you may also have died and the boys and Dis along with you. You needed to hunt, it was not your fault."

"I broke my word, I broke my word to a dying dwarf, to my _brother of battle and my sister kin. I made my sister a widow and her boys loose their father. Boys I then proceeded to lead to their deaths."_

"It was an accident, come with me, back to my smail."

"I don't deserve your comfort, not after all I have done."

"Then we will both be miserable, you might believe that you deserve this, but do I? Do I deserve to watch the one I love destroy himself over every accident and little mistake he has made in the course of his life."

"This is not a little mistake! I killed him!"

"The boar killed him Thorin not you and a part of you knows that, or else we would have seen this before now, you know it to be true." Bilbo said and Thorin burst into tears, Bilbo was relieved to find himself back in the bedroom of his smail his arms wrapped around Thorin comforting the dwarf as he cried. Then the smail faded dissolving into brilliant golden colors and Bilbo stared in shocked surprise at the halls of Mahal, but they weren't as he remembered them and he smiled at all the dwarves filling the halls to overflowing. All were just past their majority, except for the children and babes who played and dashed among the older dwarves. Bilbo didn't want to think of what had happened to those poor children, to send them to the halls so young.

Thorin laughed and took Bilbo's hand running towards the empty seat at the table, as everyone stared at Bilbo in shock.

"Bilbo why have you joined us at our table?" Fili demanded and Bilbo smiled.

"Because this oaf is my One and I could not leave him to suffer, not when none of it was his fault."

"Too right, its been much too long Uncle, come meet my brother!" Fili said and smiled at the baby on his lap.

"That is the child..."

"The child that I lost between Fili and Kili, yes, welcome to the halls brother."

"It was never your fault, I hope you don't blame yourself, I never did nor did Dis." Vili said drinking from a horn of ale. "So you decided to join us in our afterlife, will you be able to awaken once the world is reborn?"

"I don't know, I might be forced to sleep forever." Bilbo said and Thorin stared at him in shock. "There was a price for my coming here, now lets eat and drink." He filled his plate and cup with food and with the others around him started to feast and joke and tell stories. However his revelry stopped when a child started crying at the entrance to the halls.

"Mommy! Where's my Mommy!" Bilbo raced from the tables and gathered the little one into his arms, holding the small child as it cried. "I'm sorry, I didn't a mean to step under Glory's hooves, and I want my mommy."

"Your Mommy will come for you sometime soon, but right now I'm Bilbo, come eat with me."

"I'm dead aren't I and Mommy isn't gonna come for a really long time." The child said, before continuing to cry and Bilbo shook his head.

"You are dead child, but that doesn't mean that your mommy won't come for you, mommies always come for their children, now what's your name?"

"Alis."

"That's a very pretty name, now Alis, do you know anyone here?" Bilbo asked and the little girl shook her head continuing to cry. "Well then you can come and sit with me and my friends, until someone you know comes for you." Bilbo told the child who broke into sobs. Bilbo took the little girl to the table and smiled as a glass of warm milk appeared before him. "Drink this lass and try to rest, you'll feel better after some sleep." Bilbo said and watched as the girl drank the milk, her eyes drifting closed as Bilbo stroked her hair and hummed under his breath, soon the child was snoring.

Alis was the first of many children too young to state their lineage that Bilbo took under his wing, soon he was busy looking after thirty or so dwarflings, as well as laughing and telling stories with his friends. One by one the children were claimed, all save a little boy who always asked where his parents were. There were no more dwarves in middle earth and Bilbo's own people had died out as well, so Bilbo didn't know what to tell the boy, save that they would be coming soon and they loved him very much. However as the years turned to centuries turned to millennium the child stopped asking after his family and Bilbo considered the boy to be his son, just as much as he considered Frodo to be. He loved the child whose name was Jior as he would his own.

There was no suffering in the maker's halls, but there was tedium after a time. When the days and nights of their nights melted together, Bilbo came up with games and riddles to entertain everyone and bring smiles to the most taciturn of the dwarves.

The day at long last came, when one by one the dwarves vanished from the halls, until Bilbo alone remained. He knew that he might never be able to be awakened but found it had been worth it, to spend an eternity among his friends. He sat at the empty table and drank a cup of wine, before falling into a deep sleep.

Whenever he awoke he would drink himself into sleep once more, until someone appeared again in the halls and the cycle continued. He welcomed back his old friends and made new ones, as well as watched over the children that came to the halls Soon the dwarves came to call him the tender of their halls and Bilbo was happy, living among his chosen family and one, even if he could not join the living world.


End file.
